A tale of Two, er, Three People
by Laverva McGown
Summary: The following is a story that contains anger, heartbreak, passion and the true love of an innocent couple doomed to be scored at by society. DreamHouse Universe; One-sided Ken/Barbie; Ryan/Ken


"What," murmured Ken, "do you think you're doing in my house?"

Barbie saluted , being in the same frame of mind as him, from where she stood 500 metres away in the kitchen, unseen behind a pink wall.

Ryan rolled his (magnificent) eyes and huffed, "What the hell do ya think?"

"Well..." Ken began, but broke off, scratching his head. "Ummmmm..."

Ryan snorted. "Seriously? Now where's the bar?!"

Barbie flew through the decorated halls and slammed into the lounge room where Ken and Ryan were glaring at each other. "NO DRINKS!" she screamed. "Ken, get him out!"

"No," came the cool reply from the lips of Ryan, "You get back into the kitchen."

"!?" Barbie, in a fit of hysterical rage, drew a knife, "HOW _DAAAARRRREEE _YOU! I TAKE MAJOR OFFENCE AT THAT STATEMENT, YOU MOTHERF-!"

"Shush," Ken muttered, "Just shut the fruit up."

"Seriously?" Ryan raised a (perfect) eyebrow, "you're telling your precious girl to shut up?"

Ken glared at him. "You know that it's just a – "

Ryan coughed hackingly.

"- I was saying," Ken glared pointedly at the strangled-looking brunette, "It's just an elaborate scheme to cover up my relationship with – _OW! GET OFF-MMPH!_" Ken found himself on the floor, his ugly face facing the ground so no-one had to see it.

"SHUT," the brunette snarled, "THE FUCK UP, IDIOT."

Barbie looked horrified.

"You...what?" she had tears in her eyes, "Ken...you don't love me...?"

"No- _OW!_" Ken exclaimed, his voice muffled, "I HATE Y- _STOP HITTING ME!_"

"THEN SHUT UP!" Ryan snapped.

"...actually," Ken lifted his ugly face; "...you can keep hurting me if you want, if you know-_DON'T RIP AT MY HAIR, THOUGH!"_

Barbie's mouth was open in horror. In the distant distance, S&M began playing.

Ryan smiled at Barbie. "Of course, this is all just a prank for – you know – April Fool's Day."

"...It's the 15th of December." Barbie raised a delicate eyebrow, anger sparking in the deep depths of her chlorine-blue eyes.

"...Fuck."

"Look, I can't keep pretending any longer!" Ken stood up, pushing the (perfect) Ryan off of him, "Barbie, I fruiting hate you! I can't stand your constant shopping-addiction! It's driving me _insane_! I only put up with it for the sake of appearances...but now," he trailed off and stared adoringly (with his ugly blue eyes) at the horrified – yet – cutely- embarrassed male on the sequined, rhinestone-covered platinum floor, "I can't hide it!"

"..." Ryan looked away, a light blush crossing his cheeks.

"Ryan..." Ken took the other one's hands and pulling him up off the ground, not letting the male's hands go after he had effectively yanked him off the floor, "I love you, not that whore of a woman, Barbie..."

"!? THE FLIP, KEN!" Barbie screeched, "HOW COULD YOU...HOW!?"

"Like this," Ken said calmly, shoving her onto the floor. "Barbie...I think you should leave."

"What!?" Barbie exclaimed as she was grasped by the shoulder (in a grip so powerful it could possibly crush rocks) and shoved towards the door, "I DID NOTHING! IT WAS ALL YOU!" she started to sing: "IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU-!"

"We can put up with a lot, you know..." Ken shoved her onto the ground outside the front door, "We'll be fine; _you _just have to go."

He slammed the door in her face, and a few minutes later, sounds could be heard from inside the house.

"GREAT!" Barbie spat onto the ground, "FUCKEN GREAT!" She ran towards the house window. "WHAT ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE, KEN? OUR HONEYMOON!? OUR CHILDREN? WILL YOU LEAVE THEM FATHERLESS?!"

"WE DON'T HAVE ANY BLOODY KIDS!" Ken screamed from the bedroom, though he didn't sound very...interested in the conversation he was holding with his ex, "HECK, WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD- _OH GOD..._"

"DISGUSTING." Barbie snarled,Covering his ears, Ryan looked up from his task. "Ken..." he murmured. "Can we soundproof the house or something?" He resumed his calling eagerly, much to Ken's gratification.

"YES..." Ken ejaculated, much to Barbie's disgust.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, IDIOTS!"Barbie yowled in savagery; Ryan came to a standstill in his duty to answer back harshly:

"_SOME _PEOPLE ARE BUSY HERE!"

"GET A ROOM!" Barbie screeched.

"WE'RE ALREADY _IN _ONE; JOKE'S ON YOU BITCH!" He resumed his fun and games, much to Ken's delectation.

Meanwhile, neighbours around the Dreamhouse were beginning to get (extremely) angry with the still screaming Barbie. Eventually, a police car came and dragged her away. (Problem solved).

"So, Ken..." Ryan spread out on the bed, finished with his diurnal course's work for the moment. "What do you think of...this?"

"This?" Ken looked like someone had messed with his head (if you know what I mean).

"You know...our...fraternization?"

"Oh," Ken understood instantly, "Well...I visualise that...we should make ourselves legit...if you catch my drift."

"Oh." Ryan gave him the evil eye, "You want a...relationship?"

"Oh, no...I want to get joined in holy matrimony with you~."

Ryan spluttered, "O-oh! I-I didn't expect that..."

"Ryan..." Ken slithered out of the bed (like the snake he wishes he was) and withdrew a ring from the dressing table.

"I keep it here in case I meet someone I either take satisfaction in or I get a kick out of; both are preferable, actually, now I deliberate over it."

"..."

"Conjugate with me, Ryan, beloved!" He soared onto the bed again and drove his face so that his nose was barely grazing Ryan's, "Unify with me! Settle down with me! BECOME ONE WITH ME! _PLIGHT YOUR TROTH WITH ME!_"

"I-!" Ryan was cut off by Ken's lips besieging his own with an awesome amount of zeal.

He broke the osculate and put forth the following word,

"Negative."

"Well, _go all the way with you_ then!" Ken discharged, "I hope you find someone else like me."

"What, so I can fornicate with them like you did with all those research and developments before me?!" Ryan fulminated, Flipping him off, he took the door by storm, forgetting to adorn himself with his garments of clothing, and did a vanishing act from the den.

Ken whined, "Please tie the knot with me!"

"I SAID NEGATIVE!" Ryan then stormed out of the house, unclothed, and kept the ball rolling; he continued to live his life the way he wanted to.

* * *

**I would like to thank for its uninterrupted space of erudition.**

**~Laverva~**


End file.
